Tested Limits

A few years ago I was apart of a Homeschool Co-op with some amazing women. We became fast friends because of our similar interests and shared goals. It was fun to watch other women “mother” their children in a safe place.

When my oldest was born, I was very honest with anyone that had children before me- “I don’t know what I am doing!” I would say as I begged them for advice. I have always believed that saving steps and learning lessons that have been tested works better for me.

I have heard some great stories that have molded the mother I am, even some that ensured the mother I am not, and some that no matter how much I try, will never fit my family.

One of the best lessons I learned was that no matter what you have allowed, you don’t have to continue.

I remember one Mom explaining to the group that, we are the gatekeepers. We decide what comes in and what leaves our home and no matter how long something has been apart of the home, it can leave as fast as it came.

This was almost shocking at the time. Considering the power that this implies, I had a duty to my family to make amazing decisions for them.

I already knew this about the products that I brought into our sacred home. We are a chemical free family. We use plant based products that encourage growth and life in our bodies. The soaps and the cleaning products, even my makeup- all fit my standards for our health.

I also did this with the food that I was buying for our home. We have always been organic when possible and we limit processed foods. We tend to buy local when we have the option, we don’t eat dyes, and we try to add veggies at every meal. I would always remind my friends that, “your kids can’t have it unless you buy it.”

Why was applying this concept to behavior so difficult to digest? Not sure, but when I presented the idea to my husband later that week, we were both on a mission to “clean up the gates”.

We had noticed that there was lots of sarcasm and back talking taking place. And many of the discussions that we were having were about pointless things, no real value. We are a homeschool family, so adding value in all discussions is a school goal that we take serious. The boys were fighting more often than normal and they had become lazy about tasks that we were assigning.

After an evaluation of our lifestyle we both noticed that TV time was apart of our everyday life. This was new to our life, as we were TV free for the first 4 years of my parenting life and limited screen time for the next several years. But now we had been using TV as a reward for jobs well done.

We had allowed the boys freedom to watch TV for earned time and they were totally taking advantage of it.

Together, my husband and I took away the TV.

We had a family meeting and we talked about the behavior that we were worried about.

We provided enough examples that both boys were unable to deny that change was necessary.

We fill our time with games and activities and reading now. We share rewards of attention and adventure.

We closed the gate for almost a year.

We now enjoy family movie night and rainy day TV time.

We also enjoy turning off the TV and plugging into each other.